Everyone who has a child or once was one knows, children love to play in risky ways- ways that combine the joy of freedom with just the right measure of fear to produce the exhilarating blend we identify as thrill.

Fear, you would think, is a negative experience, to be avoided whenever possible. Mother Nature on the other hand, has endowed children with a drive to play with danger, especially when we are young. Whether that is climbing a tree or other structure to scary heights, swinging on vines or ropes, sliding fast on sleds or skates, or riding bikes and skateboards fast enough to produce the thrill of partly losing control. It’s not uncommon to see that children love to play with fire and in or near deep bodies of water. Let’s not forget the game of tag or fighting playfully in ways that could lead to injury. Little children play hide and seek with the temporary thrill of separation from companions. Older kids venture away from adults, into places filled with imagined and possibly real dangers, including the danger of getting lost.

People overcome phobias not by avoiding the feared situations but by experiencing them. Researchers have shown evidence of long-term, life promoting benefits from risky play. Psychotherapists encourage patients to expose themselves, in increasing doses, to whatever it is they fear. By playing with objects and situations that naturally induce some fear, children develop familiarity with them, which reduces or eliminates the chance of developing the debilitating degree of fear. In fact, multiple studies have shown that children who suffered an injury due to a fall or water trauma before age 9 were less likely to fear heights or water at age 18 than those without such experience.

Much of life is unpredictable. To do almost anything interesting is to put yourself into a situation where you can’t be sure what will happen next. Society continues to put restraints on opportunities for children to experience risky play, out of concern for safety. It is no surprise children today are suffering record levels from anxiety, panic attacks, feelings of helplessness, and poor physical fitness. Something stressful activates the sympathetic nervous system, so heart rate increases. Risky play helps to normalize physiological arousal so it is not itself a source of fear.

LEARNING COURAGE THROUGH PRACTICE

Some people believe that children have no sense of what is risky or not. Studies show that children of all ages tend to be innately cautious. Before engaging in a risky activity, they evaluate the situation by watching others do it first or testing cautiously. As they play, and as they move gradually from less challenging to more challenging adventures, they are thinking about and learning what they can and cannot manage.

At some point in our lives, all of us experience real emergencies. These are times that require us to be brave and to deal effectively and decisively rather than freeze and cower helplessly. The resulting confidence, or courage, may in the future save their life or that of their own child. It is learning how to deal with the unexpected and finding some form of play involving situations you can’t control what will happen next.

Pathways to Family Wellness, Issue 79, Fall 2023